Letter to my mom

Dear Mom,

I am sorry the end of your life has ended up the way that it has.

It is not how I envisioned it and I’m sure not how you did either.

No your not dying, not in the traditional sense but parts are you are long gone. I sometimes see little bits and pieces of you they come and go.

I’m sure you pictured growing old with Dad and though you had a family and a long marriage filled with love it still seemed cut short when he passed.

This is not the ending you deserve. You were always the strongest woman I knew and now to see you so frail and weak and unaware it breaks my heart.

You were the best mom. Always there when I needed you. I remember laying in bed with when you were reading your books and always asking you questions. You always took the time to answer them.

You worked hard and taught me to be independent You loved with your whole heart. You helped anyone who needed help always.

When I became pregnant at 16 you fully supported me. You urged me to stay in school and you fell in love with my little boy. You let me parent my own way but were in the background if I needed help.

When my little girl was born you loved her too. You were right there when they were born. You let us stay with you so we could save and buy a house.

When Alyssa was diagnosed with autism you loved her just the same. You loved her unconditionally and never treated her differently. You always made sure to acknowledge her and find a way into her world. It wasn’t easy as she was very selective.

She’s was grandma’s girl as you said it.

Of course when Kierra and Lexi came you adored them as well. You always supported everything they were doing. You have them all special attention as you recognized how hard this life could be at times.

We always had a good relationship. I could go to you for anything. You helped me so much when I was struggling with my daughter being diagnosed, you loved her so much and that made all the difference in the world at that time.

I can’t put into words what an amazing human you are. How much adversity and trauma you overcame in your life. How much you would do for anyone. How positive your outlook on life was no matter how much was thrown at you. How much Dad loved you and how loved you made him feel. How big and tough and loud he was compared to your soft and gentle. It just worked.

I am grateful for all the vacations we took together and all the time we got to spend together. I had no idea our last vacation would be the last one. How
Fast this disease would change you, steal you away.

I love you so much and I don’t want you to suffer and be lonely. I don’t want to lose my mom either although in so many ways I already have.

The is a link between you and Alyssa now. The way you understand and communicate is so similar. It’s so unfair.

I hope you remember how much I love you, how much you mean to me and your grandchildren. I hope you have happy moments even when you don’t remember.

I know sometimes you recognize me even when you can’t remember my name. Some days you tell me exactly who I am and are exasperated by the questions. I love your fiesty attitude, it shows me you are still in there. Always done politely of course.

There is never as much time as you think. I hope Know how much I valued you as mother and a person.

Thank you for being such an amazing mom
and grandma,and for loving my girl and always believing in her.

Make the time, hug your loved ones, stop in for the cup of tea, pick up the phone, time is not always on your side❤️

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