Typical picture

I was looking through my pictures and I have a picture of all four of my kids. I don’t get these as often as my son has moved out on his own.

I smiled looking at all of them, I know I am incredibly blessed. They are all great kids. They are all growing up right before my eyes.

As I am looking at it, and it is your typical Disney picture in front of the the castle I feel a twinge.

These damn twinges some people refer to them as paper cuts,paper cuts to your heart.

I am looking at my daughter, at all four kids and at first glance you don’t notice. As I study the picture I can see how Alyssa is set apart from the other kids.

Her posture, facial expressions, eye contact, there are differences some subtle some not. A lot of the time I don’t see it, most of the time I don’t see it. She is just her. Today I see it. Today it is Crystal clear.

My other kids are growing up and she is not. She is getting left behind. It hurts my heart and my eyes fill up as I think about it.

It shouldn’t be this way. My heart aches for her. For the experiences she won’t have and for the ones we fight for her to have, because nothing comes easy even things that bring joy. I look over at her and she is sleeping so peacefully and it warms my heart as I wipe away my tears.

Sometimes it just hits me out of nowhere. In the quiet moment of a vacation. I am grateful to be able to give her these experiences surrounded by those who love her.

I am beyond grateful for her. I don’t care that she is different she is perfect the way she is. I wouldn’t change her but if I could take away her struggle I would.

I am ready to dust off and move on. Today we switch hotels and I hope she does okay with the transition. I can feel her tension she knows a change is coming.

Magic of vacationing

Going on a vacation can be so chaotic. So many transitions and changes which are stressful for everyone, but very overwhelming for Alyssa.

Now that we are here my girl is thriving. She is happy,content and sleeping. It’s like she was made for this life.

We are staying and Disney and it’s nice but it’s just two queen beds to a room so it’s small. We have 2 rooms that are connecting so everyone has their own bed.

She loves the water. She is so happy here. It makes my heart want to burst. Their is so much in this life that is hard, and there is so much that goes wrong. So many plans that go awry and things she simply can not not handle. It so so nice when that isn’t the way.

Don’t get me wrong autism can worm it’s way into any situation at anytime and we are well aware.

Yesterday we went to two parks. It was very hot. When I say hot I would compare it to the gates of hell. The humidity was almost unbearable. We must of walked 10 miles.

Animal Kingdom

She was a rock star. She loves the rides! She was such a trooper. She was the only one not complaining. I thought she would get upset when we went to the second park. It’s a lot of walking.

When you go to Magic Kingdom, you walk to a tram, then take a monarail and then walk up to the entrance before you even get in. She didn’t miss a beat. Also in years past we had to fight her to get a wristband on her, once I pulled out the magic band she extended her arm. She did awesome there too. Even cooperated with pictures.

She amazes me.

This our 7th trip to Florida going to parks. The first trip she was 5 years old. She has come a long way since then. The repetition helps her so much.

Don’t give up. Even if this is something that is out of the realm of possibility now,it doesn’t mean it will always be.