I knew you loved me from the minute you held me. You are very big , Larger than life my mama says and your voice is gruff , some may even say you look intimidating but not me .
I knew you would be wrapped around my finger even then. When I looked into your piercing blue eyes I felt safe.
You fed me, you held me, you made silly faces all the things grandpas do. As I grew things inside me began to change.
Mama was worried but not you, you always reassured everyone that I was fine.
I stopped responding to my name and really any sound at all.
But you found a way to reach me, you would tap on the window with your big hand and I would come running and you would scoop me up into a big hug and I would laugh like crazy.
As time went on it came clear the typical path was not for me to follow.
You didn’t care and I think you loved me even more.
Everyone would try to get me to talk and they would be in my face, I know they were just trying to help and mama was so sad but I couldn’t do it. You would tell them to leave me alone, that I would talk when I had something to say .
Of course it wasn’t true but you picked me up and threw me in the air and it made me so happy, I would smile and giggle, I needed the break.
When we come to visit I would find you in your room and I would crawl into your bed. I would jump and crawl all over your bed, you would embrace me and I would lay with you at a time I didn’t allow many to even touch me .
But you got in, Somehow you found a way.
You loved me so much, you didn’t care I was different, you thought I was even better .
You were so big and loud but somehow you brought me comfort anyways.
When ever we were somewhere and I got overwhelmed you would take me outside for a walk and just let me run. You always had my back , Papa .
Your name was one of the first I said back when I was saying words. I wish I could say it again for you to hear.
I do point to my eyes and heart and point to you to show you I love you . You know I do right ?
I know you can tell . Our love needs no words.
As I got older, I saw you less but every time I saw you , you would ask where’s Papa’s girl and I would smile and laugh and come over to you.
You would spoil me with treats and bubbles and love and it meant so much to me.
You started to age and stay home more but I was still happy every time I saw you. You always made me laugh and feel safe. Our bond was so strong.
I wanted you to hear my voice again, I tried but I just wouldn’t work
Then one day papa you were Just gone .
When I went over your house it was just grandma now who I also love so much but where are you ?
I think someone said the hospital but I’m not sure what that means
Where did you go, no one told me
You were just not here anymore
I never cried because I didn’t know to be sad
But I won’t forget you , how could I
Just because I can’t talk, I can still love and miss my papa so much.
We went to the pond and let go balloons for your birthday . Mama said they would get to you , I guess your in the sky now . I laugh because that seems so silly. But I guess it’s true
I will never forget you papa and how much you loved me . They way everyone drove you crazy but I never did .
I don’t why I was so special to you, but that was just the way it was. You and me against the world
Papa the words are starting to come out now and I can say your name again . Mama showed me a picture and looked surprised when I said your name . She couldn’t believe I remembered .
But how could I forget you ?
I hope you can hear me. I hope you can see me still .
Your girl , you said I would talk when I was ready and it’s still really hard for me but I am doing it .
I told Mama I love you all by myself , she smiled and cried , you would be so proud . I can give real hugs now too . I wish I could give you just one more
I love you so much Papa ! Thank you for loving me know matter what and Always believing in me.
I am sorry it took so long to find my words and you didn’t get to hear them but I know you are guiding me from the sky .
I was always be your girl ,
Love you back ,