Christmas reflection

Christmas Reflection

I am sitting here reflecting on this holiday season, a little hazy from my Christmas nap . My husband is cooking dinner , my niece is playing with toys on the floor , my son is out and about , my teenage daughters have retreated to their room , my sister is outside in the car getting a much needed break and Alyssa is in my room on her Ipad. I feel tired but relaxed .

I realize I haven’t felt this way in weeks . All the hustle and bustle of Christmas behind me . These past few weeks Alyssa has been struggling . Lots of behaviors , floor drops , rolling , throwing herself down , some aggression, sleep issues , it breaks my heart to see her like this . Her legs are covered in bruises from so much flopping .

Yesterday everything came to head and the mental exhaustion of the last few weeks hit me like a ton of bricks . I had no Christmas spirit and didn’t even want to even get out of bed .

I had to push my way through the day but was feeling lost and disconnected . We had a new psych consult for Alyssa and that didn’t help. Explaining non verbal , and her receptive language , the history of her autism , Not the best day for it .

The past two Chrismas’ there has been such a turn around of awareness and engagement . She is really getting it . This year I wasn’t so sure how it would go . The days leading up to Christmas she has been so off , Hyper Viligant anxious ,and not sleeping .

She did amazing ! It’s truly the best gift I could have . Watching her open gifts with a genuine smile , I felt like my heart could burst . My eyes were filling up with tears and I felt all the weight lift right off of me .

She not only was she happy but she was stopping to show her gift and pose for a picture . Everytime . She does not pose for pictures or smile on command .

She was beaming and was beyond beautiful!

Autism is funny like that all the struggles and the uphill battles and then things can turn around so fast and give you joy and beauty .