We have to keep trying no matter how difficult it can be at times.
Autism doesn’t go away , it is always evolving and changing . At times it can lay dormant and you find yourself lulled into moments of peace where you almost temporarily forget about it , other times it rages like a beast that you can not hide from , where it is front and center demanding your attention , your every waking thought and all of your energy .
I find most of the times it falls in the middle , where you learned to cope and give your child as many skills as you possibly can and sidestep around the triggers and focus on the Joy and the beauty of autism and your child .
Autism is always there at times lurking in the background. Still I find myself pushing myself to try new things to not allow it control every aspect of our life .
Don’t get me wrong my daughter is a joy , happy , beautiful and a pure ray of light in my life . The autism struggles are sometimes indirectly related to her .
I had an autism defeating week and I was ready to push through and start fresh . That is when I decided to go a little outside my comfort zone and venture to Martha’s Vineyard for the day .
Autism reared it’s ugly little head and threw a wrench in one foot out the door , making it very difficult to ‘find the joy ‘ . The rigidity and conflict already showing up , ensuing stress and chaos . Doubt and determination begin sparring in my mind as I try to strategize my way through it .
We moved on and hit a few other bumps as this is what makes things difficult because now her guard is up .
Once we got through it , she did great . Autism turned itself around and brought out her Joy and her smile . Once she could relax and let go of the rigidity and the anxiety , her light was able to shine through . I of course was now treading and anticipating all the things that could go wrong but for now everything was right .
She had fun with her sisters and cousin and was happy . Nothing makes me happier than seeing her happy . And just Ike that hope prevails and autism doesn’t seem so daunting .
In the end I am glad I pushed her and myself because it ended up being a great experience . It doesn’t always happen that way , sometimes it ends in disaster . But we have to keep trying even in the smallest of baby steps in order the have the successes . In the autism world these things don’t come easy . That is why awareness and tolerance are so important .
Autism is a lot of hard but there is beauty and light in the dark , we just have to find ways to let it shine through .