Today was a tough morning ! It seems for everytime there is an up there is a down waiting to engulf you . She flipped out this morning she did not want to get up and get going . She threw all of her clothes off the bed and onto floor . She then threw herself off the bed onto the floor .. She was then upset that she was hurt 😭 I don’t see these behaviors too often it almost makes it harder sometimes . She wouldn’t get on the van . Or rather she got on and then threw her backpack out , wouldn’t turn her legs in , wouldn’t put her seatbelt on . She was just being very difficult . Another student started making rude remarks and he is higher functioning and I had to remind myself that he is on the van he has some kind of special needs too. I really just wanted to snap , I then decided forget it I’ll just drive her . Of course now she got even more upset and wouldn’t get out .
Now I am getting upset and trying to hold it together . She ended up putting her seatbelt on and they left . I am standing in the driveway and don’t want her on the van now , and now she going to the program where they don’t know how to communicate with her and I don’t know if they know how to comfort her . The hardest part is when she makes the milestones , these leaps it gives me a surge of hope for her future . And then when something like this happens it’s a harsh reminder , it’s like a sucker punch in the gut ! I know at the end off the day it’s just a little blip . It’s nothing compared to the non stop tantrums and behaviors in the past . But , it’s enough to stop me in my tracks .
This journey is so hard sometimes with hope and fear , anxiety and uncertainty all intertwined . Then I come home and see her sweet smile and her eyes light up , and her laughter is music to my ears and I realize this is what matters the most . I will never give up trying , hoping , searching , helping her pave her way . She will be okay , I will be okay because love matters most and I love this girl more than words can say . ❤️
Autism adventures with Alyssa 